I swear all of this makes sense in the end

Seven months ago I was in my room listening to DVSN's "Morning After" album when I saw a tweet that read "Brent Faiyaz's Sonder Son out now" and I haven't stopped listening to it since. I didn't know about the group Sonder before this project, so I'm not sure why I rushed to my music app to listen to his debut album. Being a photographer it could've been the album cover that drew me in, as simplistic as it is. It may have been the recognition of his name/voice from "Crew", I'm not sure what is was, I'm just glad I did. Each song stands out on it's own and echoes in my mind every time. It's full of life lessons and indirect advice, each track puts aspects of my life together for me like puzzle pieces. This album assisted me in awakening the person I knew was always in me. It came at the right time in my life and I can't thank everyone who was part of this production enough. I took my time listening, letting the message on each song marinate. I'm not sure if this album impacted everyone else in the same way as I, or if it caught me at a good time. Since I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting lately, the music on this album really helped putting things into perspective for me.

I want to debunk the idea that R&B is only for women or male singers getting all the bitches (which may hold as much truth as it does fault) This IS an album men need to listen to. Although it's audience is geared towards both sexes, I think men in their 20's would benefit most from it. It's rare to see a black man be vulnerable (let alone share that vulnerability with the entire world) voicing his opinion and living his truths and this album is consumed of it. I can't even begin to explain how refreshing it feels when the guy I'm dating actually opens up to me. Especially since secrets are so safe with me. I'm a diary and I respect people's privacy. I've made some recommendations to certain dudes that I think should give this album a listening to. Some accepted, others declined. Why? In fear of reminiscing of a past life, past mistakes, losing out on a girl they used to date or decisions they don't want to be reminded of. Which I get, but when you're ready to face who you are because of it you'll realize you can't run from it. "Don't know what I've been through, do the same things my friends do, so who am I?" [Home] A lot of men aren't the men they perpetuate themselves to be. If you're still doing things simply because other people do them too are you even you? Thinking and acting for yourself is a big step in growing up. Peer pressure is a bitch and going against the grain isn't the easiest thing to do, but once you've accepted your life as your own there's nothing that can stop you, but you.

Now, I don't plan on going through this album in it's entirety explaining what each track is about. Art is subjective, therefore the interpretation is yours to make. However, there are a few things I want to say.

As someone who has never cared about money or the status quo, "First World Problemz/Nobody Carez" still hits home because I understand the aspect/appeal of it all. I'm a woman, so I'm used to niggas frontin like they got it thinking it'll help them get me, I'm a woman so I'm used to men trying to impress me with material shit I don't give a fuck about (because none of them ever really took the time out to get to know me genuinely) I'm a woman, so I've held men down that may have looked like they had it all on the gram, but didn't have food to eat. I've struggled before, shit I'm struggling now. I've made $20 stretch, I've made leftovers last. People have constantly passed up on me, jobs, men, the industry and it's depressing, but I know it's part of a life that's testing me. I've cried at night, sometimes even during the day and not only when it rains. I've dropped tears while the sun was shining, but I kept smiling because I can't convince anyone else I'm built for this life I want to live until I prove it to myself. So yeah, people "Missin Out" on me. I know exactly what that means. I know exactly how that feels, the lows it brings with the anticipation of the high following after. I listen to that song to remind me of my mission. The projects I envision, the stories that need to be told, it's hard to constantly create things and get no recognition, but I wouldn't come up with these creations in my head if I didn't feel the need to pursue them.

People will support you when it's convenient for them, so I don't rely on anyone but myself. Even my best friend has her own life to live, so I don't expect her to always pick me up when I'm down, nor do I run to her every time I need a smile because I have to be able to do that for myself. For too long I've looked for comfort in others outside of my own home. When I said this album helped me awaken the person I knew was always in me, I meant my aspirations, my confidence and diligence. I've been a writer since I was in elementary school. I always excelled in classes that had some sort of creative aspect to it, whether it was creative writing or litetrature reading. I was good and it wasn't until AFTER college that I realized I could make a career out of the things I see in my head. The pictures I always take a people, candids, the moments I document. I could be a tour photographer or an artist's creative director. I'm a content creator, a visual artist. I didn't realize that until recently so hopefully it isn't too late for me. I don't regret things in life because I learn from every mistake I make and I thank the process, but I do wish I would've gotten a jumpstart on sharing my art a lot sooner. Who knows though, maybe I wasn't ready back then. I was young and dumb too [Gang Over Luv] in a rush to grow up like every other kid was, wanting to be an adult so bad, now the thought of adult-ing makes me want to throw up. Now that I'm here I wish I could go back to a life before bills, heartbreak and disappointment. But I've matured now, I'm sharing now, I'm creating even more now and I really have Brent and my best friend to thank for bringing certain aspects out of me that I was hiding. I even made a visual of random clips to one of his interludes. The song is about a girl and her struggles, but it doesn't really explain how she got there. That's where my visual comes in. It's a compilation of random clips that were still in my camera from last year that I made a story out of.

Not speaking as a fan, but as a black woman of 24 years old who has never been told some of the things I've heard Brent say... I can't help but get emotional and that's the exact reason I've put off on writing about this. Even though his album isn't solely about women like his A.M. Paradox is, the few songs that are definitely play their part. Whether they're on up-beat tempos like "All I Want" and "Talk 2 U" or more mellow and relaxing beats like "Stay Down" and his "Burn One (Interlude)" tears flow down my face anyway. "And I light all up when I see you walking by, I know that life ain't perfect, but you make it alright...", "Girl you're the vision of what I like", "Tell me your joys and your problems, I'll be more than a man for you, I'll be your friend"... damn. Every time I listen to "Stay Down" I feel as if it was written for me. Some of y'all may not understand how much simple things mean to me. Not because the bar is low, but because it's so rare. All I've ever wanted was to be a nigga's friend. To feel comfortable enough in my own skin whenever I'm around him, to turn into a whole grown ass man when DMX's "How's It Goin' Down" comes on in the car or being a bird at a party when some ignorant shit comes on. Never second guessing a statement in fear of his reaction to my bluntness. I know I'm not for everybody, I can't force shit. I just haven't met the one because I haven't felt that comfortable yet and it's not anyone's fault but my own. I haven't opened all of the way up yet. Partially because I haven't had the greatest relationships with men, so when I hear Brent sing I can't help but feel like he's talking to me. And that's when the fantasy of him being my man begins. "You are the luckiest girl alive, you had your innocence then... conquered the world every time you smile, now you don't smile so often" Man, I could write a book on what I've been through. In fact, I actually started to, but I'm in no place to give advice.

Has a man ever told you that you look divine? Divine sis... d-i-v-i-n-e. No fire emoji mixed with the heart eye combo, but DIVINE! I almost fell out when I heard that line. "All I want is for you to know you look divine, standing here beside me" Shoutout to Diana for her assistance with the hook. She's a woman so she knows. [All I Want] I ain't never heard no shit like that in my life, but that's just a result of the men I decided were worth my time and attention. Which is one example of why I think men in their 20's need to hear shit like this. To feel a certain way about a woman is one thing, but to tell her is a different ball game. I know a few dudes who find a way to make everything negative and I can't help but wonder what happened in their life to make them like that. Everyone isn't always trying to play you. I know getting your feelings hurt suck, but you're all big boys now. You'll get through it if you allow yourself to open up.

When I first heard "All I Want" and "Talk 2 U" ("Talk 2 U" especially) I couldn't help but feel this Donell Jones kind of vibe (not to compare one style or era to another, they're both their own man/music) The content of those songs reminded me of Jones' "Have You Seen Her" and "It's Alright". And both of Brent's songs are full of things I could hear Donell Jones say. I even played them for my mother and she agreed (we never agree on anything) Brent even personifies god as a woman, HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE THIS MAN??? "I bet they say the same damn thing, got niggas paying top dolla to holla, talking about that pretty brown frame and I don’t mean the impala that you just hopped out of, go on bout your business, you must be religious cause god done took her time and you’re tired of hearing the same old lines,

(Can I) talk to you bout something new?

(I know we) tend to look the same to you

(Can I) talk to you bout something new?

(Put me on) how does one get on with you?"

I'm smiling while I'm writing this because how is this not about me??? LOL. This shit is so accurate it's crazy. Most men who approach me don't do it right. Honestly, all a dude needs to do is keep it a buck with me and the exchange of numbers could be so easy lol, but they'd rather try to impress me which usually ends up fucking their chances up. All you gotta do is be true. You like what you see, if you've noticed me, but haven't said anything just tell me you want to get to know me. Boom, that's it. "I don't care to play, I'm just glad you're here today", "And baby did I forget to mention, that you got all my attention baby... come and kick it lady" [All I Want] I'm saying, how could that not resonate with me? All I've ever wanted was to be able to kick it with a dude and tell a nigga this p*&%y is his without it being a lie. LMAOOOOOHAHAHAIMDEADASSTHOUGHLOLOLOL.

Now that I'm older I understand the numerous clips I've seen of women going crazy over certain celebrities. In school girls would always say how much they love so and so and I'd just look at them like they're stupid, but I dead get it now. I mean back then they were probably in love with looks, but falling in love with words is something all of us do. Indulging ourselves in other people because the shit they say sounds good. It's the same concept here. Falling in love with songs, liking what someone says because you've never heard it or you want to hear it or simply because you just feel it. And I connect so well with this music because I've lived through so much of it. I didn't always have a car, after freshman year of college I didn't care about my grades, I've had rent to pay and my account has been overdrawn. Being a "creative" automatically means I've got some depressive shit inside of me, so I get it. It's much more than music and seeing it performed live gave it even more life. I didn't think I could fuck with this album any more than I already did, but I appreciated it all over again.

There's just something special about black men. I enjoyed every moment of Brent's performance. Watching someone take pride in their work and their journey was really eye opening. I love watching guys sing, when you're alone with them in the room or jamming in the whip when it's just you two. I love watching guys dance and even enjoy the most simplest things like watching them get dressed, or lacing up their shoes or tying their durag around their head. I don't care if it sounds weird or not, but there truly is beauty behind everything they do.

this isn't a photo of brent, it's an image i captured of my friend as he was putting his durag on. i couldn't resist, look at the beauty of this.

The way "L.A." plays after the melody to "Stay Down" fades out is fucking breathtaking. I cry when I listen to that shit too. It's such an inspiring song, especially for me because I know I have to move there soon to really excel in what I want to do. I'm a very humble person, so accepting compliments has always been challenging for me, but deep down a part of me knows I'm talented. I think I'm so used to me that it all seems normal. Writing, photography, drawing, painting, illustrating, videography, coming up with concepts for music video treatments and writing out movie scripts doesn't seem as bizarre to me because I'm so used to it. It's like looking in a mirror, I already know what I'm gonna see, but to someone who has never seen me before I could be the prettiest thing they've laid their eyes on. All in all, I know I have a lot to offer. I get a little afraid of my dreams which is why I sometimes shy away from listening to the song depending on what kind of mood I'm in. I read somewhere that "if your dreams don't scare you than you're not dreaming big enough", so I guess I'm on the right path.

This music is so great. The instruments, the sax solo at the end of "L.A.", the guitar on "Burn One (Interlude)" and "Stay Down" all stand out. The break downs and production on this album is lovely. There is so much of all of us in this album; it brings truth and pain, deceit and pleasure, horror and wisdom, insightfulness and motivation, definitely one of my favorite projects of last year. It may even wind up making it's way into my top five of all time.

Brent announced another continuation of his tour. I advise you all to get tickets that way you'll know I'm not bullshitting.

Can't say I never put you on game.

P.S. If you actually read this, I fuck with you.

P.S.S. Brent if you're reading this, hey boo.

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WHY BRENT FAIYAZ IS MY MAN IN MY HEAD